Episode 45: What Healthy Conflict Looks Like (vs. Toxic Conflict)
In honor of Domestic Violence Awareness Month, Autumn sits down for a educational conversation about what healthy conflict really looks like — and how it differs from the toxic, fear-based conflict so many survivors have experienced.
Drawing from her own personal experiences, Autumn contrasts the unhealthy, controlling conflict dynamics in her past abusive relationship with the safe, understanding communication she’s found with her husband, Zack. Through compassion and education, she explores how trauma impacts our nervous system’s response to conflict and how survivors can begin to unlearn fear, rebuild trust, and experience peace in new relationships.
This episode is perfect for anyone healing from abuse, supporting a survivor, or simply wanting to understand how to handle conflict in healthier, more loving ways.
💜 In this episode, you’ll hear about:
How toxic conflict often disguises itself as “normal”
The key traits of healthy vs. unhealthy communication
How trauma affects your body’s response to disagreement
What accountability, empathy, and repair look like in healthy relationships
Personal reflections on unlearning chaos and learning safety
Autumn also shares updates, a thank-you for one year of Almost Oblivious, and a gentle reminder to be patient as she works through listener emails!
🔗 Resources:
Domestic Violence Awareness Month (DVAM): October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month — a time to raise awareness, honor survivors, and educate others about the signs and realities of abuse.
If you or someone you know is in an unsafe situation, help is available:
📞 National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) www.thehotline.org (Available 24/7 via phone, chat, or text “START” to 88788)
📱 National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN): 1-800-656-4673 www.rainn.org
💻 National Center on Domestic Violence, Trauma & Mental Health: https://ncdvtmh.org/
📘 Recommended Reading & Citations:
Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (2015). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Harmony Books.
Van der Kolk, B. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma. Penguin Books.
Lerner, H. (1985). The Dance of Anger: A Woman’s Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships. Harper & Row.
American Psychological Association (2023). “Understanding the Impact of Trauma on Relationships.” www.apa.org/topics/trauma/relationships
National Domestic Violence Hotline (2024). “Signs of Healthy vs. Unhealthy Relationships.” https://www.thehotline.org/resources/healthy-vs-unhealthy-relationships
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